


basically i'm gay

by noahsenpai



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Celebrations, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Gay Character, Gen, purely headcanon based tho tbh, rated t for vague adult themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24799711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahsenpai/pseuds/noahsenpai
Summary: ren has something very important to tell his colleagues.HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 2020!!!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. just so you know...

**Author's Note:**

> quick disclaimer: i do not mean any offense whatsoever with this fic. as a bisexual and transgender person myself, i know how it feels to come out, but admittedly i'm not sure if these experiences feel the same for people of different lgbtq+ identities.
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoy!

It was a Thursday night, and it had been about three hours since Haruka had entered a practice room to continue working on ST ☆ RISH’s upcoming single. She managed to complete all of the solo lines and the melody and harmonies in the chorus, but she still had to complete some side harmonies and background vocals for the verses.

Deciding that her work was done for the day, Haruka packed up her things and exited the practice room. She checked her watch for the time. 22:23. She sighed; she had such a habit of getting so engrossed in her work that she completely lost track of time.

She stopped at her music locker before she returned to her room so she could drop off her partially completed score. When she opened the door, a little envelope fell from the crack at the bottom. Blinking in curiosity, she placed her materials in her locker and closed it, leaning down to pick up the slip of paper.

It was a letter from Ren.

Haruka’s heart began to race a bit as she made her way back to her room. What could possibly be so important that he decided to write her something instead of text or email, like he usually did? When she made it back to her room, she kicked off her shoes and sat on her bed, opening the envelope.

She let out a small gasp as she read the first couple of lines.

_Title: Basically, I’m Gay._

_By: Jinguji Ren_

Haruka thought her heart was going to burst out of her chest due to how quickly it was racing. She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and began to read what he wrote, making sure to internalize and understand each and every word.

_So you’ve already read the title of this letter, I’m guessing. But let me make it clear that I believe that this is the best way for me to come out to you. Allow me to say it once more:_

_I’m gay._

_I get it. You’re probably shocked out of your mind. But please, I encourage you to read this letter, word for word, and really understand how I knew and why I waited for so long to tell anyone._

_I’ve dealt with these feelings for my whole life. I had a sense of who I was when I was as young as eight years old. Unfortunately, nothing was positive about it; for sure I thought there was something wrong with me. I brought it up for the first time in therapy when I was twelve, since I began to experience severe anxiety over these feelings I was having and the fact that my mother had passed away when I was young. My therapist told me that it was normal to experience attractions at my age, and that it was around the time that I would begin developing a sense of who I was attracted to and who I would become. Unfortunately, we rarely spoke about it after this. If anything, my fears about bringing it up again kept me from talking about it, and it only made me even more certain that there was something wrong with me._

_I only came to the realization that I for sure was gay about two years ago. At that time, I knew for sure; however, I couldn’t act on any of my feelings because I wasn’t out. But now that I’ve said it, and now that you know, I feel like such a weight has been lifted._

_Again, you’re still probably shocked. Shocked about why I’ve only ever pursued the love of a woman. Like I’ve said, I was so certain that there was something wrong with me, so I tried to give myself a form of my own “conversion therapy.” I would only ever flirt with women, because I thought that that would cure me. I actually have very low self-confidence when it comes to romance and love. I so desperately tried to free myself from these feelings that I was having, but nothing was working. But I still did it, because I knew I would be screwed if anybody knew._

_However, when I bottled everything in, it all came with a price. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I couldn’t talk about my feelings with any psychiatrist or therapist that I had ever seen. It was only recently that there was only one way out, one way to keep my anxiety at bay. And that was to recognize, validate, and embrace who I was._

_This has not been an easy journey of self-discovery. It took me several weeks to gain the confidence to stand tall in front of the mirror and say “I’m gay” to myself. At first, I couldn’t even look at myself; I was so disgusted for how long I had been keeping everything in and not living my truth. But the more I thought about it, the more desperate I became to validate myself._

_So I just said it._

_I said, “I, Jinguji Ren, am gay.”_

_Like I said, I understand if this comes as a shock to you. But that’s okay. It’s okay if you’re angry. It’s okay if you feel like turning away from me. But I ask that you stay by my side. I ask that you take in the new me and embrace me for who I really am. You mean the world to me, and your acceptance and appreciation would mean even more._

_Because I am now living my truth._

_-Ren_ ♡

Haruka must have read the last few sentences at least twenty times before she placed the letter in her lap. “ _I ask that you stay by my side. I ask that you take in the new me and embrace me for who I really am. You mean the world to me, and your acceptance and appreciation would mean even more._ ” She felt a rush of protective love for Ren, and she held the piece of paper close to her chest as if it were his large, muscular frame. After all these years of not knowing himself, he had finally come to terms with who he was. But she still felt sorry for him; she had really grew to know and love Ren over all the years that they had been working together, and he deserved a safe and comfortable space to express his feelings and everything that he had been going through. She wished that she could go back in time and right every wrong done to him; she imagined herself as Ren’s therapist, asking him to explain his feelings and letting him know that her office was a safe space for him to open up about anything that was on his mind.

More determined than ever, Haruka grabbed her laptop and opened up a new email. She wanted to give Ren something in return for his honesty. Something that will assure him that she would always be there for him.


	2. ...i still love you.

Ren let out a long sigh as he leaned back against his pillow. Undoubtedly, the energy in the air was something completely new, something comfortable, warm, and refreshing. Last night, Ren had spent at least five hours hand-writing each of his bandmates a letter to tell them something very important, something they he felt that they deserved to know. Most of this time was sitting still in place, contemplating whether or not he was about to make the right decision. Despite his doubts, he went ahead with his plan, and his shoulders had been free of all the weight he had been carrying for the past two years. He hadn’t heard anything from Haruka or his bandmates yet today, but something, some feeling deep in his heart told him that they would view him all the same. When they began to sing together as ST ☆ RISH, they took an oath that no matter what happened, they would always be there for one another, and that their friendship would last forever, even if their group didn’t. Warmth spread throughout Ren’s body; for the first time since he could remember, he knew that he was feeling genuinely _good_. Genuinely _calm_.

His cell phone buzzed, breaking him out of his thoughts. After a few moments of contemplating whether or not he would check it right away, he gave into his temptation and grabbed his phone off of his side table.

His breath hitched in his throat when he saw that it was a text from Haruka.

“ _Please come to room 4-A behind the main auditorium. I want to show you something,_ ” it read.

Ren’s heart began to race as he sat up and grabbed his jacket. After slipping on his shoes and stuffing his phone into his pocket, he ran, as fast as he could, all the way from his dorm to the main auditorium at the Shining Agency’s center.

Ren felt like he was going to pass out from exhaustion and nervousness as he approached room 4-A. Not daring to breathe, he took a hold of the door handle, pushed it down, and…

“Surprise!”

Ren was completely astounded at what he opened the door to. The walls of the little room were covered in rainbow decorations, and in the middle of the room, there was a table with a huge rainbow flag in the very center and was covered in plates of rainbow cupcakes, cookies, and other snacks. And, of course, those who had greeted him with such enthusiasm were huddled around this table: the entirety of ST ☆ RISH and QUARTET NIGHT, along with Haruka, of course.

Completely flabbergasted, Ren struggled as he fished for his words. “D-did you…y-you…y-you did all of this for _me_?” he stuttered.

“Of course we did, Ren-Ren!” Reiji bounced up to him enthusiastically, holding a full-sized rainbow flag that was even bigger than the one perched on the table. He stood behind him and wrapped it around his shoulders so it could fall down his back like a cape.

“I don’t understand…” Ren murmured.

“You don’t?” Otoya’s voice was likely full of more shock than what Ren was feeling. “You were open and honest with us about something that _terrified_ you! We had to repay you somehow!”

“I’m real proud of you, y’know.” Ranmaru walked up and placed a comforting hand on his former student’s shoulder. “What you did took courage and bravery.”

“This changes nothing,” Tokiya assured him. “You’re still you. You’re still the same Ren that has always been such an asset to ST ☆ RISH from the very beginning.”

Ren was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed from all the compliments. He felt a hot flush rise to his cheeks, and a happiness he had never felt before began to spread throughout his chest. “You guys…!”

Everyone in the room crowded around Ren, speaking words of encouragement for him and reminding him of how special he was to them. Natsuki, who had done all of the baking for this get-together, grabbed one of the cupcakes and handed it to Ren.

“Of course, the first treat is for you,” Natsuki said as he gave his friend the treat. Ren smiled as he took a bite out of the cupcake, feeling the happiest he had ever felt in his life.

“Thank you…” Ren finally said as he swallowed his bite. “Thank you all so much!”

This was the one event that made Ren feel the most like himself. With his friends and colleagues, celebrating after sharing something that he was terrified of admitting. Surrounded by people who would support him and be there for him no matter what, as sworn when they first started singing together.

_This_ was the real Jinguji Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 2020!!! i know we're stuck in a rather crazy time right now because of covid-19 and the black lives matter movement, but regardless, if you're lgbtq+ never forget that you and your identity are VALID!!! you are worthy of support and love, and i hope that all of you are doing well!
> 
> [my tumblr](https://noahsenpai.tumblr.com)   
>  [anime blog](https://juntas-dimples.tumblr.com)
> 
> thanks for reading and have a great day!


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